I’m Dealing With Debt – and I Write About Money for a Living

I’ve been writing about personal finance for more than a decade, covering topics ranging from budgeting to 401(k)s. So I know a lot about how to manage your money. But like most people, I was in a lot of debt. And for a long time, I was ashamed of it.

Financial stigma is real, but it doesn’t have to be. The truth is, many people struggle with debt, and keeping it as a dirty little secret doesn’t help us deal with it. I hope that by sharing my story, I can make the topic less taboo — and help others facing larger debt issues feel less alone.

How I Got Into Debt (Twice)

It was 2004, I had just graduated from college—10 years away from being a cashier, and despite my degree, I had no knowledge of personal finance education. (Financial literacy should be a big part of our education curriculum, but that’s something for another time.) I had a vague feeling that credit card debt was a “bad thing,” but it was easy to just shove that card in and forget about it. Especially when I didn’t understand the dangers of compound interest. A night here, a new outfit there—about $20 each, each purchase seemed small at the time. But these “small” purchases added up to nearly $10,000 in debt.

After graduation, I quickly realized that an entry-level salary would not be enough to pay off the debt I had accumulated. I struggled for a few years with a meager salary, thinking I was doing the right thing, but eventually I realized I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of need and I had no idea how to get out of it.

Todd Christensen of the nonprofit Debt Relief Project said making only the minimum payment on a credit card balance is “like eating a bowl of rice grain by grain with chopsticks. It takes a long time, and your stomach still feels empty.”

Christensen added that if you only make the minimum payments, it could take 15 to 25 years to get out of debt — and you could end up stuck in a debt cycle like I did.

I needed help desperately. I enrolled in a repayment plan with a nonprofit credit counseling agency and worked diligently over the next few years to pay off my debt. I also paid off my car loan. When the last payment was made, I was ecstatic and prepared to quickly pay off the last debt owed by my then-husband.

Then life happened.

Without warning, my husband’s health deteriorated rapidly. He was diagnosed with a chronic illness and had to stop working. He applied for disability benefits, a process that could take years, while his medical bills continued to mount. I gave up my writing and editing career and returned to my old job, joining a high-paying but high-stress law firm.

The stress of keeping my family afloat exacerbated some of my health issues, and after a few months of trying, I had to go on short-term disability. Before I knew it, our emergency savings were depleted, and the debt I had been working so hard to pay off started piling up again.

I felt like a fraud and a failure. I had done a lot of things “right” but here we were, right back where we started.

What I learned from debt is struggle.

In hindsight, you can always do something differently. I could have built a large emergency fund instead of using all my extra income to pay off debt as quickly as possible. I could have stayed at my old job instead of jumping into law, which doesn’t pay as well but is better for my mental health. I could have found more feasible ways to make ends meet when I had the time, like working part-time.

The truth is, anyone can get into debt, even if they do everything they can to avoid it. Expensive medical bills are about to bring your finances to a crashing halt. If that’s the case, the best thing to do is find the right tools to get you back on track.

My New View on Debt

So far, I have consolidated my current credit card debt into a personal loan with a lower APR, which I have been actively paying down. I am also taking steps to prevent myself from getting into this situation again in the future. But if I do get into debt again, I now have a better strategy to manage it.

Here are the different ways I handle debt.

Give yourself some leeway

We’re only human, which means sometimes we make imperfect decisions. Sometimes life throws a wrench into even our best-laid plans.

Alaina Fingal, co-owner of The Organized Money and a member of the CNET Financial Review board, says that for many of her clients, debt is the result of major life events — from job loss to medical emergencies to the death of an income provider for your family. Then you feel ashamed because you feel like you should be able to manage it. But it’s not just because you’re bad with money.”

If you’re struggling financially – so be it – beating yourself up about it won’t get you anywhere. In fact, it’ll make things worse and make you feel even more alone. Instead, focus on what you can do right now to get yourself back on track and know that you’re not alone.

Not neglecting my emergency fund

I was so focused on paying off my first debt that I didn’t save enough for an emergency fund. Experts recommend saving three to six months of expenses so we would have breathing room to assess our situation and make better plans if my husband got sick.

Right now, I’m working on building up my emergency savings while paying off my remaining debt. To free up the money to do this, I’ve tried every trick in the savings playbook, from savings challenges to my local “no-buy” group. It’s going to be a little stressful for a while, but in the end, it’s going to be worth it.

I will not neglect my health

Financial health doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Your physical and mental health can have a significant impact on your ability to earn money and make financial decisions, as well as lead to costly medical bills. While you can’t avoid chronic illness, you can invest in your overall health by knowing your limits and not sacrificing healing for serious goals. If you don’t, it could hurt your financial health for years to come.

Talking about money

Money is a taboo subject for many people—women are especially reluctant to talk about it—which makes it hard to stand up for our financial decisions. While I won’t open up to many people about my debt struggles, I’m learning to embrace the idea of a high budget. I haven’t heard anyone criticize me for wanting to be more frugal. In fact, many have admitted that they should be doing better.

“It seems like that on social media, like a lot of people think it is, but in reality, some people are pretending they know it all,” Finger said. “I don’t think we have enough conversations around this process or this journey. We see the success stories become great and they are very glamorous and exciting, but the slow process of budgeting or living within your means every month is not as exciting or popular, so everyone seems to be involved in that,” he said.

I’ve learned that sharing your financial goals (not just your financial goals and wins) is incredibly valuable. I was too embarrassed to admit my situation to friends or family, but having a few trusted people tell me helped ease my anxiety and helped me come up with better solutions. Even if I wasn’t willing to do that, there are plenty of support groups and forums online that I can turn to when I feel less alone.

“Sometimes, we get a lot of judgement about credit, and in the past, we’ve had a lot of finance teachers bully us into thinking this is going to happen or we’re not prepared for this,” Finger said. “That leads to a lot of people avoiding it and not talking about it, and a lot of people are going through the same thing.”

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