It takes a lot of effort to keep a household running smoothly, and running through it all is money. He is saving to fix broken items, send his kids to summer camp, and replace his old car. The financial burden can be heavy. We can’t sleep at night because of the countless unfinished tasks and future tasks.
“I think it’s important to mention the emotional burden that comes with worrying about money. Will we have enough for next month’s rent? Have we saved enough for college? They can be devastating, especially when we believe our partner won’t share that stress and we’re the only ones carrying it,” Kate Mangino, author of “Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality in the Family,” said in an email.
When it comes to managing the mental burden of financial responsibilities, couples can fall into ineffective patterns that lead to conflict, resentment, and willful neglect. If financial management in your relationship feels out of balance, here are some ways to rethink your daily routine.
Treat money equally
If one person takes on most or all of the financial responsibility, it’s easy to fall into a manager/follower dynamic, creating a power imbalance in your relationship.
Additionally, when one person is in charge and the other completes assigned work without understanding the big picture, the second person can get stuck. “Thinking about these things can make the person who ‘survives’ less financially literate over time,” Scott Rick, author of “Scrooges and Spenders: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships,” said in an email. This can make them particularly vulnerable if the relationship ends due to divorce or the death of a partner.
Equality doesn’t mean that each person is 50% responsible for every task, nor does it mean that each person takes 50% of the work, but it does mean that you recognize that you have an equal share in your shared success.
List and categorize financial activities
Schedule a day or two of financial time to create a comprehensive financial to-do list. Who is currently responsible for what actions and how are they accountable? Should these tasks be outsourced to someone else? Are there things that are not getting done?
Break each task down into a series of subtasks. Let’s say you both want to work with a financial planner and one of you is responsible for finding one. These subtasks could be:
- Find the names of three financial planners who meet your common needs (for example, fee-only planners or planners with specific professional qualifications).
- Contact these planners and ask if they are accepting new clients.
- Schedule the consultation at a time that is convenient for your spouse or partner, and prepare any necessary financial documents in advance of the meeting.
“It’s important to realize that managing money is just one of many tasks in running a household,” Brian Page, founder of the Modern Husband website, which shares money management tips, said in an email to the Family Group.
Take charge of your mission from start to finish
As you list your tasks, discuss what “done” looks like for each one. Set parameters, budget, and other expectations. Then, each of you choose tasks to perform during your regular check-ins.
Some tasks are complex, but take them one step at a time. This is not the time to plead incompetence (although feigning incompetence to avoid responsibility in a partnership is never a good idea). If you are having trouble with a subtask, you can talk about it when you meet.
Remember — everything to do with money is a skill, and skills can be learned. There is no excuse for ‘I’m not good with money,’” Mangino said. “You just have to prioritize and practice to learn the skill. And practice. Over time, you’ll get better.”
This article was written by Nerd Wallet and originally published by the Associated Press.
